Unlocking Achievements

Feeling the Need to Explain Myself

Growing up, I had a good home. I really did. But like anyone else’s childhood it was far from perfect.

One of my major issues is one I’m in the middle of having a panic/anxiety attack right now; I feel like I should vomit! Hell, I’m probably even doing a little bit of it right now. I always feel the need to have a detailed reason for how and why I feel the way I feel—about ANYTHING! And today I realized something: its grueling.


Things as simple as “not up to it” didn’t fly in my house (or in school, can’t that’s a factor as well) for things like not wanting to go to the beach with the family. I had to have a reason why. Conversely, I now seek answers even in myself for “why” instead of just being tired, I have to feel like I have a legitimate reason.

I dislike this part of me. It’s not an argumentative side surprisingly. It’s a curiosity. Other people simple “I’m not up to it” I’m fine with. I always feel like I’m supposed to have a reason (an excuse if you will). Why can’t I be kinder to myself?

I’m going to work on this. I realize this is a “deeper “ topic than most posts. But I felt like writing it. And that’s a bloody start (though I guess my “justifying” it might not be). I’m going to practice even just saying no and changing to yes should I feel like it, that way things can be switched around.

Do you ever find yourself beating yourself up internally over something? How do you practice being kinder to yourself?

2019 Achievements to Unlock (Part 3)

Monday I went over my job and how its WONDERFUL being in the water.

The great part about teaching Level 3 is the added bonus of getting to work out! I’m able to swim with the kids and have to go back and forth in the pool with them. in about 3 weeks time of teaching this level, I’ve seen a huge difference in my legs and shape! I’ve started wearing fins because (believe it or not) they cause a little extra work for you while you workout!

I’ve been following up with light weights, or brisk walks after and boy…do I get nice and tired. It’s like being a kid again and having that sleepy after swim and play feeling! I love it!!!!

I’ve also been trying to drink more water. I’ve been way too coffee dependent the last couple of months. I try to avoid sweeteners and go more vegetarian (when possible…produce doesn’t last more than 48 hour—you’re lucky if that long tbh.

Cauliflower rice is my favorite thing right now, mixed with kimchi, cut up black bean burgers from Morning Star, or, some mock beef!

Trying to make sure I have a few healthy veggie options is hard, but I’ve been feeling a lot better with them. (Now if only the weather would stay sunny?).

What are somethings you are happy about achieving for yourself?