The Risks We Take, Are the Futures We Make
Four years ago today, I proved to myself that I could be really freaking brave. By all accounts I was brave, but on things like, Jumping-over, and, climbing through/between people and fences to go backstage at rock shows (I think being underage, I felt safe…and they thought I was younger than I was anyway). But on matters of the heart? NOPE! Uh-uh! Kiss off!
A resounding NO!!!! But starting in October of 2008, I had been on a steady path of upwards momentum from a pit of depression, to an improved version of myself. One that I like, and that had a better job and was attempting to move on towards “grown-up”ness…or something. Anyway, I already had liked Reggie, albeit didn’t pine for him before because I agree with RuPaul: “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you going to love someone else?” and so I ran. I ran a lot.
And then, my brother left for the Air Force, but on January 17 my brother had a going away party. His friends were there, and more importantly: Reg was! There are mixed remembrances of that night, but everyone said there was some sort of connecion. Maybe it was my hopeful thinking, and I reverse-empathed it onto everyone else. Maybe I was staring him down…who. Knows.
Anyway, I knew that night what I would do that year. This is a recap from a Journal Entry dated Feb. 6, 2009 @0802 PST, the day after> I called to ask him out. (I like dates…I like to archive…IDK why) ‘As Amanda said last night: "Joie slams revolving doors" This is in reference to my bravery for yesterday. But I digress, during the last half hour of work I started to get anxious and impatient. I slept on the car ride home, literally "sleeping on it". My dad dropped me off at home and I had the house to myself. I dialed his [Reggie's] number, with a speech totally planned. Here's where things get interesting. When I called I was like “If you have time wanna do me a favor, and, go somewhere with me Saturday?” I had this whole plan about I needed to get something for Charlie [many brother] for his birthday. Instead he cut to the quick, and said "are you asking me out?" I -being blunt- said "yeah...I guess I am." So he said sure. We will be going out on Saturday. And thus, I have "balls" bigger than Chuck Norris’
I felt very giddy, and nervous. But really proud of myself. I had never done anything like this before…well, if you don’t count when I asked Mike Dirnt from Green Day to marry me when I was 18…but I don’t…LOL! Mainly, because now—even though 2009 was a very roller-coaster like year—I would NEVER trade my husband for ANYONE!
I am so blessed to married to him. So here is to us, and some “balls-out” bravery! Cheers!